Miss Congeniality
by Naeginnie6
Summary: A L/J Fic, Based on the Movie, See Fic for full summary and siclaimer. Will evolve into a L/J romance... because... James thinks she's gorgeous.. he wants to kiss her... he wants to hug her...
1. I Am Lily Evans

Miss Congeniality

**By: Naeginnie6**

**Rating: PG13 Because of language, violence, and that's what the movie is rated anyways.**

_Summary: "Let me tell you something, pal. It ain't easy bein' in the FBI." The meanest, toughest, prettiest woman field agent in the Auror Division A is on a mission. Terrorists have been targeting the Miss United States pageant. And she, Lily Evans, is the only one who can nab the bad guys and save the 49 young women who are in this beauty pageant- I mean, uh- scholarship program._

Disclaimer: Now, let me put it to you straight. I don't own the rights to the movie, FBI, Miss United States, or anybody else pictured in this story!! Oh yeah, and I'm not J.K. Rowling, therefore, I do not own Harry Potter and/or any of the other characters associated with him and the books.

****

            Let me tell you something, pal. It ain't easy bein' in the FBI. You know what I mean? For example, my first mission as a field agent, Ihave to parade around in a bikini like some palm, tree, showing off ripened coconuts. I'm very clumsy. Heels and I are never working together greatly. I don't always exactly follow orders. It's not my fault. I _do_ have morals, ya know! I have shoulder length red hair, and piercing emerald eyes. I am a Federal Agent. I am Lily Evans.

            However, I suppose I should start from the beginning.

            I really am not a United States Federal Agent. As a matter of fact, I'm not even American. I'm 18 years old, I'm British, and I just graduated from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Yes, I am a witch. And this was one mission where I couldn't use my wand.

As you recall, I was talking about a mission? Yes. Well, here's how it started, really.

            The American Auror Association (Otherwise known as AAA, Triple A, disguised as a car repair shop) was lacking forces to protect their civilians. The police weren't up to the strain of this mission. So, they naturally called in us. What was going on, was a civilian terrorist had been targeting this beauty pageant thingy. Miss United States. Well, I don't really care. A bunch of blondes walking around in bathing suits with fake racks- how appealing. (And, _yes_, people, that was sarcasm!). Dumbledore did a search for female field agents under 35. There were four on the list, excluding me. 

            They were: Patricia Cromwell, age 28, on maternity leave; Katrina Blue, age 17, recently injured; Anita Fern, age 33, getting married; and Cassie Black, age 16, in training. 

            That left me.

            I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. But, they got me to do it. The first thing they had to do was have James and I go see the people down at the "Miss" and see what was goin' on.

~*¤*~

            "And that's why we want to send one of our agents under cover in this pageant," James explained to the woman, Kathy Morningstar, who was running the pageant, and her co-director, Gilderoy Lockhart.

            Kathy looked outraged. "This is not some FBI parade, I'll have you know!" she shouted. "I will not have any of this. ANY of it, you hear?"

            "Ma'am, we've already talked to the network and they won't cancel it. This is the end of my very frayed rope, you hear? VERY frayed. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't have to." I said. Of course, I forgot to mention I was the agent to be substituting.

            Kathy looked from me to James.

            James said, "The safety of the women- girls- uh… people are in our hands! We need someone undercover here."

            "Nothing is more important than the safety of my girls." She sighed. "So, yes, I suppose we will have to. Do you have an agent in mind?"

            James colored and nodded at me.

            "_Her_?" She recoiled in disgust. "I mean, her? Oh-" she cleared her throat "lovely."

            I didn't look **that** bad. Well… maybe, I did. My hair was its usual frizzy self. I was trying to get out a piece of steak from I between my teeth, and I looked as if I'd been through Hell and back. Actually, I was looking quite nice that day.

            "Well, who would she be substituting for?" Lockhart asked. "We already have 50 girls!"

            I laughed. My laugh is… strange. It's me! I laugh, but I snort.

            "Well," I laughed, "We found out about New Jersey. She was starring in a little film called _Armagedonon_ and, huhsnorthuh, we figured she'd be dropping out quite quickly, if you know what I mean."

            Gilderoy looked dumbfounded. "That was her?" he said grinning "I should go into that business, too!"

            "Well, fine." Kathy snapped. "Let me call Lucius, my assistant." She called him over a PA system. Lucius Malfoy, a blonde, skinny man, came running in.

            "Yes?"

            "Tuck in your shirt, you slob!" Kathy snapped. She smiled fake-ish and said, "This is Lucius, my assistant. He will get you the number of Vick Diggory. He can fix you up fine."

            James and I stood up at the same time. 

            "Thank you for your time, Ms. Morningstar. We'll get back to you."

            Lucius stood up and ran out of the room and came back with Diggory's phone number scrawled on it. 

            Well, day one was over. And I thought THAT one was bad. Well, what a day I'd be having tomorrow.

_A/N: Well that's it! I know it is EXTREMELY short, but they will get longer. I don't want to give away the WHOLE movie in one chapter, now, do I?_


	2. Walking the Walk, Talking the Talk

Miss Congeniality

**By: Naeginnie6**

**Rating: PG13 Because of language, violence, and that's what the movie is rated anyways.**

_Summary: "Let me tell you something, pal. It ain't easy bein' in the FBI." The meanest, toughest, prettiest woman field agent in the Auror Division A is on a mission. Terrorists have been targeting the Miss United States pageant. And she, Lily Evans, is the only one who can nab the bad guys and save the 49 young women who are in this beauty pageant- I mean, uh- scholarship program._

Disclaimer: Now, let me put it to you straight. I don't own the rights to the movie, FBI, Miss United States, or anybody else pictured in this story!! Oh yeah, and I'm not J.K. Rowling, therefore, I do not own Harry Potter and/or any of the other characters associated with him and the books.

            I walked into a local Burger Kind with James Potter and we waited for Victor Diggory to arrive. Now, you may be asking yourself, "Why the hell are they in a freaking Burger King?" For one thing, they let me pick the restaurant. It was partly in spite, after all, who in their right mind would take pleasure in a beauty pageant? Well, I'll tell you the predominant reason. I see no reason to go to some fancy restaurant when I can go to a local American fast-food joint and spend a fraction of the cost for a bit less quality, but satisfaction none-the-less. 

            James looked at his watch and sighed. "We're half and hour early. Let's get our food and wait." The teenage Muggles took our orders and took ten minutes to make them. Obviously the management wasn't too great, because I got a Biggie drink and fry instead of a medium, but who's complaining? 

            Just as we had dug into our greasy food, Mr. Diggory came in, walking fancily. "Tsk, tsk. Miss United States would never start a meal before all guests had arrived."

            "Miss United States," I rebutted, "is a worthless wannabe preacher who wants 'World Peace' and other crap that will never, ever, ever happen…" I paused for a dramatic effect (and also because I couldn't think of what to say next) "in a million years."

            "Now Evans, let's just get through this day in one piece, please?" James commanded with a polite question.

            "Fine, but owy if Uh don huph to gu on wun of dose swim fast diwets." I said through a mouth full of French fries, which translated into English was, "Fine, but only if I don't have to go on one of those slim-fast diets."

            "Ah, ah, ah!" Vicktor scolded. "Miss United States **_always_** chews with her mouth closed, and swallows before she speaks!"

            I had the urge to say, 'I bet that's not all she swallows,' but I restrained myself and settled for, "Yeah, dats nwite."

            He shook his head. "Please!" he said as he clutched his heart. "It is never 'yeah' but always 'yes'. Do you have no manners?"

Apparently not.

 "Tonight," he addressed James, "we will begin the make-over. Come by the studio at precisely five-o-clock. Is that time suitable for you?"

            "Yeah, I guess that would be fine," he replied.

            "Ah, but Mr. James Potter never replies with 'yeah'. It is always the formal 'yes Monsieur', as any finely raised gentleman knows," I said with an air of arrogance.

            "Very good!" Vicktor complimented. I couldn't believe this guy! What a dip; what a flake! His mother must be so ashamed… I bet she disowned him.

~*¤*~

            Later that night we arrived at the "studio". I shall not bore you with gory, gruesome details of how they made me gorgeous. All you need to know was that it took an **_incredibly_** long time and I that was **_starving_**.

            Being as ravenous as I was, I headed for the doughnut table. I could almost taste those boston crèmes melting in my mouth, filling me with their sweet, succulent taste. Key word being "almost".

            As soon as I got over there, Vick handed me a celery stick. "Oh, no…" I said. "This is **_SO_** not fair! You said I wouldn't have to go on a diet!"

            James waltzed up behind me. "Not technically. You specifically specified a slim-fast diet."

            I wanted to kill him then and there. I took the celery and put on my happiest face. "Miss United States is always pleasant, even when eating rabbit food." I walked away, but not before charming some Bavarian crème onto the seat of his pants (which he failed to notice till we got back to HQ. He then scolded me saying no wands allowed from then on… Only guns… whatever those were. Don't worry, I know now.)

            That night we worked on walking. Yes, walking. I have walked all my life, and they go around insulting the walk that I have walked for always. I practiced "gliding", or in other wordsm walking without falling, tripping, or landing on my butt or my head.

            I had mastered it pretty well by the end of the night. Everybody came out and watched me walk in a skin-tight dress with little silky-type flaps that were attached to the back and then to my wrist by a shimmery bracelet that matched the deep purple of the dress. I only fell once going down the stairs, and that was before I took off my gun and ID's. I was progressing greatly, before the night was over.

            Catching on? Oh yeah! You don't know how much I progressed by the time the next day had rolled around, which was an adventure **_all_** in itself… The orientation breakfast.

_A/N: Sorry! Please do not kill me. I *KNOW* I haven't updated in soooo long, and believe me I just needed motivation. I got it, alright. Lol. Don't ask how, it just came to me. I hope to update WAY more often, so maybe once every week or so? I dunno, it depends on how much of a life I end up not having (very likely that I have a huge not-life)._


End file.
